


every chorus was your name

by peepasoo



Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff and Angst, Mutual Pining, blame jazzy, lots of pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-01
Updated: 2016-11-19
Packaged: 2018-08-18 19:33:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 14,993
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8173309
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/peepasoo/pseuds/peepasoo
Summary: “Are you hitting on me?”  “As your fake boyfriend, yes. As the guy who is pretending to be him, maybe.”Alex accidentally gets put in Intro to Archaeology, and it spirals from there or: hamliza fake-dating au





	1. no proof (not much)

**Author's Note:**

> me: has a multi chap fic i should be writing  
> also me: writes this 
> 
> so this is basically written out of peer pressure, so yeah,,,,
> 
> anyway dedicated to jazzy (i hate u but i love u)
> 
> enjoy

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello!!! 
> 
> so the notes got deleted from this ch so here we are!!
> 
> natasha forced this/erynn enabled it 
> 
> its here now
> 
> enjoy

It’s not like she had been _staring_ at him. Staring wasn’t the right word, she was more of sizing him up.

 Every time Alex looked behind him he saw this _very_ cute girl sort of squinting at him, she had her pen between her teeth and her glasses were sliding down her nose the tiniest bit.

(truth be told, he would be kind of disappointed if she turned out to be crazy, seeing that she the only reason he stayed in this class he isn't supposed to be in.)

 He tried to put it out of his mind, (if anything, he should be excited she’s actually noticing him) and tried to pay attention to the professor drone on about archeology.

 The girl’s gaze burns the back of his head though, he glances over his shoulder again. There she was, pen still hanging from her mouth, eyes still searching. Once she must have found whatever she’s looking for she smirks at him knowingly, stops squinting and goes back to taking her notes. He starts to wonder if maybe she had just been daydreaming and her eyes just sort of soft focused on him.

 He almost forgets about it until the end of class. He’s just exiting his row of seats in the emptying auditorium when he hears a voice.

 “Hey!” it’s the girl, hastily coming down the stairs to catch up to him, “Hey, you’re that kid who isn’t supposed to be taking this class, right?” she must see his confused face because she says, “Oh, no, people don’t talk about you. I just happened to be here that day you were talking to the professor about it. I think you called him a-”

 “Monotonous bag of rocks, yeah that was me.” Alex admits

 She laughs, “Well, hi, I’m Eliza, it’s nice to meet you.”

 “Alex, same to you.”

 She pauses for a second, “Alex, I know we just met but can I ask you for a favor?”

 He thinks she’ll probably ask for the next two weeks of notes or something, doesn’t matter, he’d most likely do it anyway.

 “Uh, yeah, sure.” he says

 “Will you pretend to be my boyfriend?” she asks plainly, like it was simple

 “Um-”

“My parents have these dumb things, kind of like parties, I guess, and both my sisters always show up with dates and now they are all kind of getting on me for going solo.” she probably thought Alex, like any sane person, was thinking she was crazy for asking this, but Alex was really just stuck on the word ‘boyfriend’. “I mean, the parties aren’t _terrible_ , there’s always an open bar and free food and it’s great people watching.”

 When he still doesn’t say anything she says, “You can say no, it’s okay.”

  _God help me,_ he thinks before, “No, I- I mean, yes. Yes I’ll pretend to be your boyfriend, sure.”

 “Really?” she asks surprised

 “Y-yeah, why not? Could be fun.” he says sheepishly, like he didn’t make his decision the second she asked him.

 “Great, amazing okay, just let me give you my phone you put your number in and I’ll text you details.” she says handing him her phone.

 So he does and she texts him approximately two hours later.

 

* * *

 

 

 Alex was leaning against some building at their previously agreed upon meeting place, waiting for her to show up. Just as he looks up from his phone he catches sight of her crossing the street. She looks ethereal, really, like she was at some magazine photoshoot with the wind causally blowing the skirt of her floor length gown ever so effortlessly.

 “Hey.” she says a little breathlessly when she gets to him

 “Hi, you look amazing.” he tells her, trying to keep blatant amazement out of his voice

 “Thanks, you don’t look too shabby yourself.” she says back

 Then there is a moment where she holds his gaze a half beat too long and something sentimental flashes in her eyes and then the car pulls up to the curb. He wonders if he should say something about it, he wonders if she even noticed.

 Once they get in Eliza begins her spiel, “Okay, so this is actually going to be pretty easy on the family side of things because this is such a large event, _but_ that does mean there will be many of our family’s old, rich, and very prying friends. So we need a story.”

 “A story?”

 “Yeah, like _When Alex Met Eliza,_ you know, how we met, what was our first date what do we love about each other yada yada yada.” she explains flicking her wrist, her silver bangles catching in the street lights passing by.

 “Okay, so how about this: we met on campus, obviously, and I ran into you because I wasn’t paying attention and I spilled your coffee.” he tries

 “Cheesy, cute, good, I like it. So naturally, our first date was coffee because you felt like you had to make up for the one you spilt.” she adds

 “Right, then we stay and talk in the coffee shop until they kick us out and I walk you home.” he says

 “Oh, star-crossed, I like it.” she says tapping her phone on her chin “Then you asked me on a second date that night, and the rest is fake-history.” she resolves

 He nods, tries to brush away that kind of stirring in his chest he feels, he wonders again if he should say something. It’s probably for the better that the driver opens their door before he can.

 Alex gets out the car and helps Eliza out for good measure, she rises and gives him a smirk. He smiles too and guides her forward with his hand on her the small of her back.

 Right before they walk in the doors she says in a hushed tone, “I’m not a nickname person, I don’t call my significant others by nicknames. Is Alex short for something?” she asks turning to him, her eyes almost look a little scared of what they are about to walk into.

 “Alexander.” he tells her

 “My sisters call me Betsey, if you want to use that.” she says

 “Okay,” his steadies the hand on her back as reassurance, “Let’s go on a pretend date.”

 The first people they encounter are, unsurprisingly, her sisters. The older one (Angelica, he thinks) is linking arms with a tall man, with by the looks of his suit, is incredibly rich. The younger one (Peggy) has her hand entwined with a bashful girl, around her own age.

 “So how long have you guys been an item?” Peggy asks after they all introduced themselves

 “Uh,” she looks at him pondering, “about two months.” she says, that’s how long it’s been since the first day of class.

 “That’s nice, you look happier than you have in a while, Liza. I’m glad.” Peggy tells her.

 “I am, very happy.” Eliza says, looking to him beaming. He wants to tell her she should switch majors to acting or something because even he believes that she has been in love with him for two months.

 Alex doesn’t have too much time to wonder what Peggy meant by her remark before Angelica is asking him, “What’d you say your major was, Alex?”

 “Pre-law.” he says

 “Oh, that's what mine was, did you have Windsor?” she asks, excited

 “ _God_ yes, unfortunately.”

 “Does he still grade like his life depends on finding every comma splice and misused adverb?”

 “ _Yes,_ my friends and I would go to war over commas with that man all last semester.” he says exasperatedly

 One of the speakers call for everyone to find their tables and sure enough all the sisters and their respective dates are all seated together.

 “That went pretty well, don’t you think.” she whispers in his ear

 “1-0 going strong.” he says giving her a subtle high five as they he pulls out her chair.

 They listen to boring speeches from about ten self-righteous millionaires and Alex only almost bursts out laughing once from a note Eliza passed. She had found a pen in her clutch and they were passing each other snide comments about the various speakers. The one that almost made a scene was about the fifth guy’s hair. ( _It looks like Soul Surfer should be riding the wave of his quiff.)_

 After the speeches they both (mostly Eliza, who knows the bartender by name) abuse the open bar to try and hide from those prying family friends she mentioned earlier.

 She turns to him in her swivel bar stool, “I think we may get out of this without seeing my parents- oh, nevermind.” her eyes land somewhere past where he’s standing and he turns around to see her parents approaching them. Eliza swivels back around and downs the last of her (fourth) drink and then tries to stand and greet them, but she wobbles on her first step. He steadies her with both hands on her shoulders and gently sets her back in her seat, she smiles at him again, like she really has loved him for two months, and he doesn’t know who she’s faking for, he tells himself she’s just tipsy.

 “Hello, sweetheart, how are you?” her mother says brightly once they reached them

 “Great!” she answers a little sluggishly, “I want you to meet my boyfriend, Alexander.” she says, hand clutching his arm.

 He exchanges typical, awkward first-parent-greeting with both of them. Then her mother says, “Now you sisters told us you have been dating for two months, why didn’t you tell us sooner, honey?”

 “Uhh, well,” Eliza knits her eyebrows and puts her empty glass to her head, trying to search through her buzz for an answer.

 Alex swoops in and places a hand on her knee, “She wanted to make sure I stuck around, or at least that’s what I think.” he said obviously whispering the last part

 “Well, you can never be too careful, you learned that the hard way, didn’t you, Liz?” he dad says

 Eliza looks half panicked for a second but hides it well, he’s pretty sure he’s the only one that noticed.

 She laughs it off then says, “Yeah, I guess so.”

 He turns to her, then solemnly says, “Well, I don’t know where’d I’d rather be, Bets.” he finds her hand and intertwines their fingers.

 She snaps her head up to meet his gaze and her eyes are so soft and tender has has to remind himself that _she_ was the one who asked him to go on a _fake_ date.  

 “Well, aren’t you two the most adorable thing here? Well we have a lot to do tonight so we’ll see you later, okay?” her mother says

 They wave goodbye and once they are out of earshot, Eliza slumps her head onto his arm and says a muffled “thank you”.

 They only make it another hour and a half before Eliza is calling the Uber again. He gives her his coat once they get outside and they climb in the car when it pulls up.

 Most of the ride passes quietly, her head at some point makes it into his lap and his hand finds its way tangled in her hair, like they have known each other their whole lives.

 “Can I ask you something, Bets?” he says softly

 “Depends.”

 “On what?”

 “If I’m awake long enough to answer.”

 He chuckles then asks, “Why didn't you just get a real boyfriend. I mean, you’re a nice girl, and definitely beautiful, I doubt you’d have much trouble.”

 “Are you hitting on me?” she asks with a smile

 “As your fake boyfriend, yes. As the guy who is pretending to be him, maybe.” his smirk is almost challenging

 She scoffs a little with a smile, takes a moment, then, “I was in a really long term relationship with this girl, who decided I wasn’t worth her time or whatever and decided to move to France.” she sniffles a bit at the end, “So I wasn’t really in the market for another go ‘round, I guess. I’m still not, I think.” she says knitting her eyebrows, a little unsure

 “And your family just wants to see you happy again.” Alex fills in

 “Yeah,” she laughs, “But it kinda feels like happy to them means in a relationship.” she wipes her nose with the back of her hand very cutely.

 He doesn’t have anything to say. Well, he actually has _many_ things to say, he just doesn’t know which one he _should_.

 So he settles for wiping the stray tear that he finds on her cheek and rubbing her arm comfortingly. He hopes it says what he means.

 ( _It’s okay. It wasn’t your fault. We are in this together now.)_

 For the life of him, Alex cannot seem to piece together why on earth he's thinking this for a girl he met only a couple of days ago. He tries not to think to hard on it though, half of him is afriad of the answer he'll find. 

 The car gets to his place first so he gets out and he is about the close the door before he leans down and says, “Night Betsey, Love you.” with a huge grin on his face

 She rolls her eyes, “Goodnight, Alexander. I’ll see you in class.”

 

* * *

 

 The next time he really talks to Eliza is a couple weeks later in class, she slides him a note from her seat behind him.

 He reads it, _Are you free this weekend? Ang’s birthday, she asked if you could come._

 He writes: _talk after class, I don’t come free_ on the back of it and hands it over his shoulder to her. Alex smirks at the scoff she makes when she reads it.

 After class, when they are packing up she says, “Well what do you want then?”

 Truth is, he didn’t really want anything in return. Alex would have pretended to date her for as long as she needed, free of charge. But, of course, he couldn’t tell her that.

 “Tutoring. You help me in this godforsaken class and I help you with your...problem.” he finishes lamely.

 She huffs and puts her hands on her hips, “Fine. I’ll tutor you.”

 “Thank you, also thank you for ignoring the fact that this feels dangerously close to prostitution.” he says as they walk out together

 “Let’s call it romantic employment.” she offers

 “Oh, so it’s _romantic_?” he raises his eyebrows suggestively

 “Okay, _platonic_ romantic employment.” she resolves

 “I’m already making business cards, Liza. 'Alexander Hamilton: Boyfriend for Hire, will work in exchange for tutoring hours'." 

 

* * *

 

Angelica’s birthday isn’t nearly as fancy as her parents’ fundraiser, and he is thankful for that, he didn’t want the mess of having to rent another tux. It turns out to be just a small dinner party with some close friends.

 Somehow, later in the night, after they have gotten drunk on the wine and each other’s company, Angelica and Eliza start telling stories from when they were kids.

 “Oh my God, do you remember when Peggy beat up two fifth graders when she was seven?” Eliza asks Angelica who is still reeling from their last story

 “How could I forget the single greatest day of my young life?” she answers

 “Well since Peggy is off in Prague or somewhere and cannot vouch for herself, we’ll tell you.” Eliza says to the group. She starts to tell this fantastic story, half of it sounds made up but both girls swear on their lives it’s true.

 Alex had been keeping a list in his head of all the little things he noticed that Eliza did, (for fake boyfriend purposes only, obviously.) He added talking with her hands to it. She made these wild gestures for everything, and punched the air when it got to the point Peggy had the two ten year olds pinned under each knee. Alex couldn’t honestly tell anyone why his heart clenches when she did it, but it does.  

 As the night continued he added a few more things: crying when she laughs really hard, leaning on his shoulder whenever it was near, and sneezing three times in a row (every time).

 They ended up leaving around midnight, he walked her home.

 “Thank you for doing this, all of it.” she tells him honestly once they are on the street.

 He glances at her and sees the sincerity in her eyes, “You’re welcome, it’s nothing really.”

 “No, it really is. I don’t know what I’d say if someone asked me to fake date them for an indefinite amount of time.” she says

 He laughs, “Well, just make sure you get tutoring or something like that out of it.”

 “Yeah, or something like that.” she says in a far off voice, to the ground

 He honestly didn’t notice until now that they still were holding hands. Alex isn’t sure if she had realized yet. It was probably the wine, but she had been much more tipsy the other night and she still let go once they got outside.

 But he didn’t say anything, not because he didn’t know what to or he couldn’t, selfishly Alex didn’t _want_ to say anything about it.

 So he didn’t, neither did Eliza, and they only let go when they reached her front door.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so yay 1st chapter!!!
> 
> find me @peepasoo and @dailyhamliza on tumblr to fight me
> 
> comment/like/kudos please I need attention 
> 
> bye!!


	2. don't take love off the table (yet)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Besides, despite whatever she thinks she’s feeling right now, she still doesn’t really want to be in a relationship. At least, not right at this very second. (but but but, she remembers his laugh, or how easy it is to talk to him, or his steady hand on her back. and she almost catches herself thinking twice)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the bitch is back!  
> lmao so this one is kinda angsty whtvr 
> 
> anyway dedicted to jazzy, whom i love, i guess
> 
> enjoy

   
“There is literally no way in any realm of existence that Greedo shot first!” Eliza practically screams one afternoon at his place.  
  
Because they do that now, apparently, they hang out like normal people that aren’t fake-dating. Sometimes they’ll study, sometimes they’ll marathon whatever show (today, movies, Star Wars), or sometimes they will do literally nothing but talk. It’s funny, Eliza thinks, how much time they spend together compared to actual couples she knows.  
  
“Oh _come on_ ,” he dramatically states, “Just read literally any article online, the evidence is irreputable.” he finishes in his best Pre-Law Student voice  
  
She rolls her eyes, “Alexander I am a woman of science, and by looking at those articles, their theories and the source material itself, I can safely assume that Han shot first.” she answers her best Anthropology Student voice  
  
He scoffs, “Eliza, you’re an anthropologist, this is Star Wars. _Fantasy_ ! And _aliens_ , not people.” he gestures wildly to the paused screen. (Yes, of course, they paused the movie ten minutes ago to start this debate)  
  
She throws up her hands, “Whatever, being the bigger person here, I can agree to disagree on this.” she folds her arms and pointedly turns back to the TV.  
  
He spends another second just looking at her, out of the corner of her eye she can see an almost amused look on his face. She turns back to him and raises her eyebrows as if to say _what?_ and he just shrugs and presses play.    
  
He sitting closer now, their arms fully flush against the other’s and she refused to acknowledge the way it burns her. Just like his hand did at the party, or when he held her’s the whole way home from Ang’s birthday. She didn’t want to acknowledge it because that would feel too real, even though it’s barely anything. Somehow just a few touches or glances from him threatened to break the dam on everything she’d been holding back since Adrienne left.  
  
And besides, this is supposed to be fake. They are _pretending_ to date, and sure they are friends, now. Friends, hang out, and watch Star Wars and fight over who shot first and play rock paper scissors to see who has to get up to get snacks. Friends do those kinds of things, _friends_ , however do not think about how each other’s touches burn.  
  
Without thinking, ten minutes later, she lays her head down on his shoulder. And this too burns, it _really_ does, but if she closes her eyes, they are somewhere far away from here, somewhere they are actually together and this doesn’t burn, it’s just warm.  


* * *

  
  
The first thing Eliza sees when she gets the mail a week later is Angelica’s wedding invitation. They are pretty and ornate and she is 100% positive Church picked them out. She knows this because Angelica told him she “wanted to just elope and be done with it” and Church almost went into cardiac arrest.  
  
She looks into the envelope again and sees that she got two pretty, ornate cards. She texts Angelica.

  
_Why did send me two invitations?_

 _  
_ _one for you one for alex. didn’t know his address_

  
_oh okay, thanks_  
  
Angelica send her back a “no prob” followed by a string of all the heart emojis. Eliza rolls her eyes and calls Alex once she plops down on her bed.  
  
He picks up after two rings, “Hey, whatsup?”  
  
“Are you free-” she pauses to look at the card again, “December 12th through 15th?”  
  
“Romantic getaway already? It’s only been three months, honey.” he says overly sweet  
  
“Shut up, it’s Ang’s wedding and it’s at our parent’s place in Albany.” she says  
  
“Her wedding is at your parents’ house?” he questions  
  
“ _No_ , it at the church we went to as kids. I don’t know why, something about nostalgia or whatever.” she says noncommittally  
  
“Oh, okay. Yeah I think I’m free.” he says, she hears some people talking and papers rustling in the background. He’s probably at the library.  
  
“Okay good. So, what are you doing?” she doesn’t know why she asked really, maybe she was curious, maybe she just didn’t want to hang up.  
  
He is caught off by her asking, but only for a second, “Um, I’m at the library with Laf and John.”  
  
She hears, “Hi Eliza!” shouted into the receiver by both the guys  
  
“Hey guys, how’s it going?” she says  
  
“Pretty good, would be better if Alex didn’t spend so much time talking about you.” John says, and he and Laf laugh. Eliza’s stomach twists, he talks about her to his friends, apparently a lot.  
  
Then a very rushed Alex comes back, “Alright, alright, very funny.” He must get up and walk away because it gets quieter and she can hear his voice clearer, “Sorry about them, they are kind of, nuts.” he says nervously  
  
She chuckles, heart in her throat, “Oh it’s okay. So I’ll see you tomorrow?” she bites her lip and hopes that it didn’t sound like she was trying to evade talking about this. (which she definitely _was_ )  
  
“Yeah, yeah, sounds good.” he says, she can’t find any hurt or resentment in his voice so she thinks she’s okay to hang up.  
  
She flips over so she’s staring at her ceiling. For the life of her, the only thing she can coherently think is _Oof_ , because everything else was jumbled mess. John said that thing about how Alex talks about her, and it almost felt like they didn’t have to be somewhere far away for it to be different, it felt like they could be together, _for real_ , right now.  
  
She shakes her head at herself, how would that conversation even begin? _Hey, Alex! So you know how we’re pretending to date? Well what if we did it for real?_ She actually scoffs out loud at that.    
  
Besides, despite whatever she thinks she’s feeling right now, she still doesn’t really want to be in a relationship. At least, not right at this very second. ( _but but but,_ she remembers his laugh, or how easy it is to talk to him, or his steady hand on her back. and she almost catches herself thinking twice)  
  
Her thoughts get interrupted by Theo, her roommate, knocking on her door.  
  
“Come in.” Eliza calls, not bothering to move  
  
“Hey, love, I just got home and I brought take out, I am too lazy to cook.” she says  
  
“Did you bring Aaron too?” Eliza asks, looking at her upside down, her hair hanging off the end of the bed.  
  
“ _No_ , besides you like him.” Theo says defensively, leaning on door knob a little bit  
  
“Yeah, he’s okay” she says, like she isn't entirely convinced

  
They are ten minutes into dinner when Eliza decides she needs to talk about this thing.  
  
“Can I tell you something you can’t tell anyone else, not even Aaron, or my sisters?” she asks  
  
“Yes, of course. What is it?” Theo says  
  
“Alex and I aren’t actually dating.” she tells her quickly  
  
“Alex, as in Alex who’s here all the time and you talk to everyday, Alex?” she asks, disbelieving  
  
Eliza nods, “That’s the one.”  
  
“Wow. Um, why?” she says  
  
“My whole family had been getting on me for not dating anyone since Adrienne and, I wasn’t really ready for another relationship. And I admit, it wasn’t exactly my greatest idea, but-” she admits  
  
“But now you are starting to feel something for him?” Theo asks  
  
Eliza knits her eyebrows “How-”  
  
“I have seen you two when he’s here, nobody is _that_ good of an actress.” she tells her  
  
“Well maybe _I am_ .” Eliza says defiantly  
  
Theo just raises an eyebrow at her, Eliza crumbles, “Yeah, okay you’re right. What do I do?”  
  
“Honestly, this is kind of unmarked territory, but I would just wait it out. See if he does anything to indicate he feels the same.” she reasons “And by the looks of it, honey, he’s not that far off from feeling something either.” she points her chopsticks at Eliza  
  
Eliza smiles into her take out carton at that.  


* * *

  
Angelica’s wedding was gorgeous. Eliza and Peggy both wore pewter dresses to match the ties of Church’s groomsmen and Angelica actually shed a tear during the vows. Alexander kept making funny faces at Eliza from his place in the front row next to her parents.

She successfully never laughed out loud once. (she’d like it noted that this was not at all easy.)

The reception was at a very nice restaurant that overlooked the lake they used to swim in as kids. As maid of honor, Eliza had to make a toast, one that she and Alex wrote yesterday, on the ride up here.  
  
( _“Eliza this is very last minute.” he said_ __  
__  
_“I know, which is why you are driving and I am writing.” she rubs her temples roughly,  “Why can’t I think of anything to say? I have known her my whole life, I talk to her every day.” she asks vaguely, not really expecting an answer_ __  
__  
_“Well then just write it like that. Write it like you are just talking to her.” he offered_ __  
__  
_The rest of the ride had been her reading off every line or so and him giving her ample feedback_ )  
  
“I would like to propose a toast to the two luckiest people I know.” Eliza says once she’s gotten everyone’s attention. Some people let out a little “aww”, Eliza smiles warmly at Angelica, and she continues, “I’ll admit it, even I was a little skeptical when you came home from a business trip in London with a new boyfriend, Ang. But honestly, it was the best thing that has ever happened to you. You two make each other so happy, it’s kind of gross.” she laughs along with everyone else, “But that is the most important thing, I think, to have in a relationship. Having someone that makes you smile, makes you want to get up in the morning, makes you want to be the best version of yourself.” she steals a look at Alex, he smiles at her, “That is the kind of love we all hope to have in our lives and we have been so lucky to have grown up around it, with Mom and Dad, and now your kids are going to get that too. So, to Angelica and John,” she glances at Alex again and reaches for his hand, he takes it (she silently thanks that he doesn’t question it), and she says “and to finding love in the strangest places.” she finishes and everyone claps and Angelica kisses Church.  
  
She sits back down, her hand still in Alex’s, he smiles at her with his eyebrows knit. She doesn’t know what to do, doesn’t know what he’s thinking. Was that too much? Did she give herself away? The panic rises in her throat and closes it up.  
  
He just kisses her temple and says, “That was perfect, Bets.” she smiles at him and she has to believe he’s just faking, for her own sanity.  
  
The rest of the night goes off without a hitch, no one gets embarrassingly drunk, no one gets hurt, no one admits feelings for their fake significant others. All in all, huge success. They all send the newlyweds off to Bora Bora or whatever tropical island Church has a house on and head home.  
  
They are staying at her parents’ house, so she and Alex are staying in Eliza’s old bedroom. They were going to share her bed just so they wouldn’t raise any questions by Alex sneaking out to sleep in the guest room or dragging in blankets so someone could sleep on the floor. Once they get back, Eliza immediately asks for help with her zipper.  
  
“Thank you,” she says once he unzips her, “I have been dreaming about sweat pants for like 2 hours.” she grabs some clothes from her suitcase, dress falling down one of her shoulders. She’d be lying if she said she didn’t blush when she caught him staring,  
  
Once they have both taken showers, they climb into her bed. Eliza is reading, Alex is trying to beat his high score on some game.  
  
“I really liked your toast, Bets.” he says after a long while  
  
“Well, you did help write it.” she says  
  
“Yeah, but you never read me the finished thing.” he props himself up on his arm to face her. This all feels hilariously domestic to her, like they had done this every day of their lives. Come back to bed together and just reflect on their days, she was half expecting a dog or a child to come rushing to wake them up like a Hallmark card or something.  
  
“You’re right, I am glad you liked it. It was an annoyingly picturesque evening, don’t you think?” she said, smiling and putting her book face down on her chest  
  
“Oh yeah, it was straight out of a bridal magazine, right up to the little place cards on the tables.” he said  
  
“We used always talk about our weddings, the three of us, as kids. Which I know is like, the dumbest thing to say,” the last part being broken by laughs from her and Alex, “but it’s true. Me, Ang and Peggy would talk for hours about it, we’d steal Mom’s high heels and we’d pretend to have weddings. I mean I was kind of surprised when Ang suggested eloping, but being on the other side of it I can see why. Weddings can be _stressful_.” she pauses for a second, looks at her hands “I would do it though. The whole nine yards, the dress the ceremony the catering, all of it” she pauses for a second, looks over to him,  “I thought she was my chance, you know. I thought we were going to have a fairytale wedding, and fairytale life, for that matter.” it comes out a little bitter, a little broken, a little more so of both than she intended, Eliza realizes.  
  
Then he’s looking at her like he would do anything for her. _Maybe he would,_ she thinks, he’s already done this. It frightens her, what a person would do to simply make her happy. (what _this_ person would do) It’s like he is giving her complete control over him, he is digging up his heart and putting it in her hands and she doesn’t know what to do with this much life.  
  
He starts to lean forward, the bed dips a little, her heart hammers, “Alexander,” she says cautiously  
  
“Tell me to stop.” he whispers, it’s an offer, a plea, a door marked exit  
  
She thinks maybe she should, this is, after all, supposed to be fake. But she doesn’t. (or she can’t)  
  
“Don’t” she tells him  
  
So he doesn’t and he crashes his lips on hers, it isn’t hungry or fast though, it’s slow and soft, like they are trying to map each other out. Her hands are on either side of his face, one of his is tentatively on her hip, right at the waistband of her sweatpants. They both deepen the kiss, she’s desperately trying to preserve the taste in her mind but also relish in the moment. They break for air twice before Eliza forces herself to pull away.  
  
“Okay,” she whispers, smile playing on her flushed lips, “We shouldn’t.”

She glances up at him, his face is something she can’t really place, but his _eyes_ , how did she not notice how striking they were until they were an inch in front of her own? They are deep and searching and there is just so _much_ behind them, and she starts to wonder if she really knows him at all. 

  
“Okay,” he agrees, places a final kiss on her lips, then flips so his back it to her, “Goodnight, Bets.”  
  
“Goodnight, Alexander.” she says, far off. Eliza runs a finger over her lips, still reeling.  


* * *

  
Somehow, Eliza managed to avoid the subject of the wedding night all throughout the next day. It actually wasn’t that hard, with Peggy flying out that morning, it was only Alex and Eliza to keep her parents company. Her mother took this advantage to pull out the literal thousands of baby picture she had “just laying around”.

Currently, her mother was gushing over one of Eliza at maybe, seven or eight. It was from when she played tee-ball, she was winding up for a swing, tiny face set in such determination, it looked like she was trying to make the ball burst into flames with just her seven-year-old might.  

“This was her first game,” her mother explained to Alex, sitting at their kitchen counter, “Eliza was first up to bat, swung it out of the park.”

“Turns out, it isn’t so hard to do when the pitcher is a plastic stick.” Eliza said, placing mugs of tea down in front of each of them.

“Oh, hush, it was still adorable.” her mother amends, Eliza rolls her eyes.

Alex picks up one from the pile, “Look at _this_ , wow. Bets, this is truly one of your better looks.” he turns the picture around to show her, and makes the same face she has in the photo.

Here, she is four, it’s her birthday, judging from the party hat. Eliza is wearing a tutu, red footie pajamas and her mother’s sunglasses, complete with a little hand on her cocked hip and giving a pout that is worthy of an Oscar.

“It’s called _fashion_ , Alexander, look it up.” Eliza says holding her mug

He just laughs at her lightly, and Eliza feels like she can ignore this giant thing looming over their heads, but she can’t.

 

They leave a couple of hours later, with a nice send off from her parents. She promises to visit more and to take Alex up again soon.

Alex was driving again, only because Eliza didn’t really like road trip driving and he offered. They have two hours of road ahead of them, and she is completely content to let it just pass by in silence. Truth be told, even if she _did_ want to talk she has no idea what she’d even say.

Apparently, Alex has _something_ he wants to say because there is this nervous energy just exuding from him, and his fingers are rapping on the steering wheel non-stop.

“Eliza, do you think we should-” he starts after not even ten minutes  

“Talk about it? No. I don’t think there is anything to say about that time we made out in my childhood bed.” she says, idly picking her cuticles

“Okay, if you say it like that it’s gross. Can we just- say that it was a conscience decision we both made?” he asks

She lets out an exasperated breath, “Yes, nobody was drunk and it was all consented.”

Instantly she regrets this, she was getting rid of any scapegoat she had. Eliza was freely admitting that she, of able mind and body, made out with Alex just because she wanted to.

 _So was he_ , she thinks.

She wants this to feel like less like they are business partners, and more like they are-

( _friends? something more? who even knows at this point.)_  
Eliza doesn’t want whatever they are doing here to mess up any chance they may have of being friends in the future. She doesn’t want to throw away _another_ worthwhile relationship in her life.

“Can I ask you something?” she says tentatively

“Always.” he tells her, there he goes again, giving her free reign of himself, completely giving all he has to her, the attention terrifies her

“We can be friends, right?” she winces after she says it, realizes how much that isn’t true, at least not since last night.

A beat passes, then,“Yes, Eliza, of course we can.” _you are too important to me to lose,_ is what he leaves out

“Good, that- that’s good.” _I don’t ever want to lose you, either,_ is what she doesn’t say

They let the silence drag on for a while, the sound of the tires on the road and the soft radio backtracking the thoughts racing through both their minds.

Eliza wants to explain herself, why she can’t let this become real, why she ever asked him to do this in the first place, she feels like she owes him at least that much.

“Did I ever tell you what happened with that girl?” she asks him, trying to give herself to _him_ now, showing him _her_ heart, not knowing if he’ll take it in his hands

“No, not the whole thing.” he answers, like he isn’t _expecting_ her to explain (not that he doesn’t _want_ her to)

“Well, there isn’t really much more to say, I think.” she stares at her fingers, she can’t bare to look at him during this, “It was great until it wasn’t, you know? Like we had our whole world in our hands and didn’t want or need any more, then we let it slip away.”

“You just, fall out of love.” he suggests, a bit pained ( _everybody’s got one,_ she supposes)

“Yeah, well she did at least. I was- I was _all in._ I wanted us, I wanted our future together, but she didn’t. We had a pretty bad fight one day, something stupid, like not communicating enough or some bullshit that didn’t matter, and we go to bed and I wake up the next day and she’s gone. All her stuff, clothes everything. She left a note though, ‘ _Went back to France, Sorry. Adrienne’”_ she gives a self deprecating laugh, “I’ve always thought she used the fight as a ‘get out of jail, free’ card, to get away from us. Went back to her family in France, far away from me, any of it.” she finishes looking out the window, her shoes, anywhere but him

“Was she unhappy, before she left?” he asks gently

Eliza shrugs, “If she was I didn’t notice, she was an actress though, I just didn’t realize she was that good, I guess.”

He glances over at her for a second, “Want to hear what I think?”

She considers this, she knows she doesn’t have to say yes, but she wants to, curiosity, she tells herself, “Sure.”

“Sometimes people leave. There isn’t a rhyme or reason, they just go. It’s not a blame thing, I don’t think, at least not anymore. I think it’s about the bigger picture, maybe those people leaving are meant to leave so you can find something better, and so they can too.” He pauses, “If that makes any sense.”

She nods, realizes he can’t see her nod and takes his hand, “It does, I get it.”

If Alex is right, then maybe Adrienne left so she could eventually find him. Maybe, if Eliza let herself believe in big things like fate and comos and destiny, this is right where she belonged: hand in hand with him, dug up heart matching dug up heart, blindfolded, with no fear.

She looks to the road again, still about an hour from home, she doesn’t care, they’ll make it eventually. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> one more chapter!! yikes!!  
> might be bit bc i have to actually figure out a plot, love it ! 
> 
> anywho, if you have questions, comments, concerns, i don't get it's, hit me up at peepasoo on tumblr!!!
> 
> pls, bookmark/comment/kudos, i appreciate you all so much!! <3
> 
> ch title: death valley by fall out boy


	3. heartache of new beginning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sooooo sorry this took so long but it's here now and that is what matters 
> 
> it's the last chapter yay!!!!!!
> 
> a huge shoutout to jordan, my homie g, my ride or die, my numba one, this was all 4 u 
> 
> anyway, enjoy

 

“Alright, so let me get this straight: you made out with your fake boyfriend at your sister’s wedding, had a heart to heart with him on the drive home, and now everything is fine?” Theo asks her a couple days later at coffee

“Technically we made out the night of my sister’s wedding, but yes, that is essentially what happened.” Eliza states, matter-of-factly  

“And there is absolutely  _ no _ lingering feelings between you guys at all?”

“ _ Yes.  _ Everything is fine, we are friends.  __ I don’t know why this is so hard to understand.” half of that is a lie, everything's not fine, and they can’t ever be  _ just  _ friends, despite what she asked him in the car.

“Eliza, I don’t have the time or energy to explain how messed up this is, but whatever. You seem happy and that’s all I care about.” she tells her

She probably was right, Eliza most likely looked happy, because on the surface she was. She liked Alex, he is fun and kind and always understands what she means without her having to attempt to explain, so yeah, she was happy. But none of that was supposed to be real, he is  _ supposed  _ to be pretending to love her and vice versa. That doesn’t mean her heart stops it’s rabbit kicking when he says her name, or his eyes never linger too long on hers’. Son the surface she looked happy, but on the inside she was drowning in the anxieties of what they could be, what they couldn’t and how the two always overlap.

Eliza just rolls her eyes at her, and then just so happens to glance at the entrance to the cafe. Laf walks in, she almost calls him over, then a girl walks in behind him, and her breath catches in her throat, halting whatever words she was going to say.

Theo looks at Eliza, who is wide eyed and ghost faced, and starts to turn and see what she saw and then Laf sees them and he and the girl come over to greet them.

“Hey, guys! How’s it going?” Laf says

“Pretty good, so um, who’s the girl?” Theo asks, suggestively raising her eyebrows

He laughs “Eliza, Theo,  _ this  _ is Adrienne, my girlfriend.”

Eliza’s heart is hammering in her chest, he doesn’t know. Laf doesn’t know that his girlfriend is Eliza’s ex-girlfriend.

_ She didn’t tell him, Adrienne didn’t tell him. _

Theo introduces herself and Eliza has to shake herself out of her trance to do the same.

“Hi.” she says tightly,

“Hi.” Adrienne says

They sit down with them, make small talk: how long have her and Laf been together (18 months) how’d they meet (childhood friends) what is she working on in Paris (plays, mostly) what’s she doing in the states (visiting for winter break)

Eliza can’t look her in the eye, like Adrienne's very _presence_ is suffocating her. After a half hour she can’t take any more.

“I’m going to get more coffee, anyone else?” she asks them

They all say yes.

“Oh, I’ll help you.” Adrienne offers

“Okay.” is all she can say

Once they are far enough away from the others, Adrienne starts, “Eliza, listen I-”

“You what? You are so glad to meet me? You wanna tell me you favorite color? Because apparently,we don’t know each other!” she whisper yells at her

“I couldn’t tell him that I knew you! I wanted-”

“A clean break? It’s okay, you can say it, Adrienne. I kind of assumed that with that note you wrote when you left.” she says bitterly

“I’m sorry, Eliza. I really am.” Adrienne tells her

She pauses for a moment, just looks at her, Eliza tries to remember what it was like when they loved each other. Was it like this? Adrienne messing up, Eliza saying she won’t take anymore and then one apology fixing it all? It must have been, because the look in her eyes is making Eliza’s chest kind of cave in and she would almost give her anything she asked for.

But she doesn’t, Eliza does not love her like that anymore.

“Huh, it’s funny to hear you say that and  _ actually _ mean it.” Eliza tells her, she knows it’s cold, but she doesn’t care. She has had two years to plan this moment, this earth-shattering, taking-back-the-power, defying gravity moment, and that is exactly what it is.

Eliza takes two of the coffees back to the table, confident Adrienne is following with the other two, and she doesn't speak to her the rest of the afternoon.

 

* * *

 

She calls Alex that night, she would’ve just gone over to his place, but he was out of town on some week long conference-seminar thing for pre-law students in Baltimore. It was a pretty big deal, or so he told her the night before he left while he was packing.  

( _ “Eliza, it's like the New York Fashion Week of Pre-Law, wait no, it’s like the Superbowl.” he muses to her _

_ She laughs at him, flips over on his bed so she isn’t looking a him upside down anymore and looks at his ties laid out next to her. “I really hope it isn’t the New York Fashion Week of Pre-Law because these ties would have you thrown out before you could say ‘prosecution’.” _

_ He throws the socks he’s holding at her and she just laughs) _

“What. The.  _ Fuck.” _ he says after she tells him what happened

“Oh yeah, so things are going  _ great _ here.” she says flatly

“How could-  _ Why  _ would-” he tries to say

“I don’t know, but she is staying for all of winter break so, it will get interesting.” Eliza wants to laugh at how fucked this situation really is

“I’m truly sorry Bets, I wish I could do something to help.” he says

“Me too, I wish you were here.” she says the last part without thinking

“I do too. Hey, only three more days and then I get back and we can spend two whole weeks making her jealous of our fake relationship.” he offers

“We should definitely do that, PDA, pet names, the whole nine yards.” she says

“Absolutely. Well, it’s getting late, and you have had a day, so I am going to let you go.”

“Okay, goodnight Alexander.”

“Goodnight, Bets.”

 

* * *

 

When he hangs up the phone Alex finds himself grinning stupidly at his dark screen. 

“What’s so funny?” Maria’s voice calls from across the room

Oh, he almost forgot she was there, or really  _ he  _ was  _ there _ , it is her hotel room after all. Neither of them had really meant for a couple of flirty drinks the day they got to the conference to turn into midnight knocks on doors after tip toeing across the hall, but here they were: two nights in and already neck deep in whatever this is.

Although, he isn’t sleeping with Maria because he doesn’t want Eliza, it’s actually  _ because  _ he wants Eliza. Alex  _ wants _ Eliza, he wants her at 2 AM with a bedhead and sleepy eyes, wants her at the middle of the afternoon when the sun catches in her hair, wants her late in the evening when desire is burning in her eyes like supernovas that will burn him in the best way.

But he can’t have her like that, he can have Maria like that though. And if Alex stayed with her long enough he could almost believe he didn’t need Eliza to make him whole.

And it isn’t like he is not attracted to Maria, he really is. Alex likes the way she always knows what she wants and is not afraid to ask for it, he likes how her hands feel on his face or on his back or up his sides, and perhaps most of all, he likes the way she makes him feel distant. Like he’s somewhere far away, somewhere they can be alone and together and simple and uncomplicated.

But then there are moments like this, where Eliza calls and he’s helplessly reminded that he does, in fact, need her.

“Oh, nothing.” he quickly shuts his phone off and throws it on the side table. He looks at Maria, beautiful, young, smart, Maria and tries to be happy. It turns out it actually isn’t that hard, looking at her in this light.

The shoulder of her robe is kind of falling down and Alex gets a flash to the night after the wedding, Eliza’s coy smile and blush when she felt his eyes on her skin; then the literal stars that burst behind his eyelids when he kissed her.

So he gently pulls the shoulder back up, in an effort to momentarily forget, and kisses Maria sweetly, trying to tell her he’s sorry. (She doesn't pick up on it, she never does with him)

She deepens the kiss, he doesn’t refuse, and they are pulling each other back to the sheets again.

 

* * *

 

There is a knock on Eliza’s door three days after Adrienne shows up. 

“Hi.” says Adrienne haphazardly, when she opens it

Eliza almost just shuts the door right there; she is tired of her apologies.

“Hey.” she says, trying to be apathetic

“Um, can we talk?” Adrienne’s giving her that look again, the one that makes her chest cave, so Eliza lets her in

“So, what do you want?” Eliza asks her once she gets in

“First of all, I wanted to say I am sorry, for all of it really. I shouldn’t have left like I did or when I did, I should’ve called and not just have left a fucking post it note, God-” she puts her hands on her temples like she is just realizing what she did

Eliza wants to scoff,  _ It took two years for it to catch up with her _ .

“Anyway, the point being, I was a terrible person, and I am sorry. I hope, one day you can forgive me.” Adrienne finishes

A beat of silence, “Why do you care if forgive you? You have someone, that’s more than a lot of people can say.”

“So are you not dating-”

Eliza panics, “No, no I- I am. I am.”

Another beat, “Are you going to tell me who?”

She considers not saying, letting it be ambiguous, but then she realizes that would sound like she is faking it. Even though she is actually faking it.

“His name is Alex. Don’t change the subject, why do you care if I forgive you?”

Adrienne heaves out a sigh, like she is grappling with whether or not she should actually tell her. “Do you ever wish we could go back? You know, to us, the  _ happy _ us, I mean.”

Eliza stares blankly, she continues, “I have been thinking about how good it was, how I threw it all away for some dumb, childish reason. And, I just have been thinking, if I  _ ever _ got that again, if I got the chance to do us over, I would. We could go somewhere, anywhere, and this time we’d get our happy ending.”

Eliza is speechless. Here is Adrienne, basically offering to run away with her so they could be happy again, it’s everything Eliza ever wanted...two years ago. She feels the gladiator, earth shatterer exterior from the other day breaking away, suddenly Eliza for the first time wants to forgive Adrienne.

“What about Laf?” is all Eliza can find in her at the moment

“He’ll be okay, he has never needed me.” Adrienne takes her hand, Eliza’s heart is pounding,  old self fighting against her new self, not wanting to want this, but wanting it anyway.

There is one moment, when Adrienne’s thumb brushes across her knuckles, that Eliza almost says yes, she almost crumbles. But something makes her knee-jerk reaction halt (maybe it’s common sense, maybe it’s how Adrienne has such a loose grip on her hand, maybe it’s how Eliza just remembered she is wearing Alex’s sweatshirt). Adrienne has never been a solid foundation to build anything on, Eliza has learned this much.

Her sudden softness dissolves, harsh anger takes it’s place “Do you know what it did to me when you left? Do you even know what you made me feel?” her voice is breaking, eyes verging on angry tears

“Eliza, I-” the idea that Adrienne would leave another person,  _ her friend, _ out in the cold like she did to her crashes a new wave of anger into her.

She snatches her hand back “Don’t tell me you’re sorry!  _ God _ , I am so sick of it. You  _ devastated _ me!  Okay, do you get it? You left me and my world stopped turning, my sun didn’t rise, my seasons didn’t change. You left me and I thought I was going to die. It took me two years to rebuild from that, two years to repair what you broke. So forgive me if I am not so forthcoming about running away with you.”

“So it’s a no?”

Eliza exhales long and slow, angry haze clearing from her vision, God forgive her, but there is still a part of her that cannot completely close this door yet.

“It’s not an answer yet.” she tells her

“Okay well,” Adrienne steps closer and takes Eliza’s hand from where it was covering her face and whispers, inches away, “think about it.” and kisses her before she leaves

 

* * *

 

 

As soon as Alex landed he pulled out his phone to let Eliza know, he hadn’t seen her in a week and was honestly excited to see her again. Which is stupid because they are friends, and he is only excited to see her in a completely platonic way.

She texts him back when he is waiting at baggage claim:

_ Great, can’t wait _

He texts back

_ I can come over, we can watch old movies and you can tell me all about this Adrienne thing   _

“Hey” Maria appears next to him

“Oh, hey.” he says

“I just feel like we should talk, you know, about the week. I don’t want this to be over,” she laughs a little, “whatever  _ this _ is. I like you, Alex. I want to see what happens.” she is being honest with him, Alex doesn’t know what to do.

It feels like he is cheating on Eliza, even though he  _ isn’t  _ because they are just friends, nothing more. But he still feels like he is betraying her.

But he likes Maria, he wants to see where it goes too. And he deserves that, he thinks, Eliza would be okay with him wanting to be happy.

He leans forward and kisses her quickly because he just saw his bag, “Next Wednesday, your place. Let’s see what happens.” and then rushes off to catch a cab to Eliza’s

There has been no response on Eliza’s end since he sent the message an hour ago. He was starting to get worried. When the cab finally drops him off at her door, he rings the doorbell three times before she answers.

“Your rang?” she slurs out when he opens the door

“I texted you, I just landed. Are you holding tequila, are you drunk right now? Where is Theo?” he rapid fires the questions as he walks in

Eliza is still standing at the entrance, dazed, “Um, yes?” she says after a second

Alex catches sight of her phone on the floor of the living room, probably thrown from the couch, judging by the distance. That explains why she wasn’t answering.

“Uh-huh. Okay, well want to tell me what’s going on or am I going to have to call Theo and pull the concerned boyfriend card on her.” he asks as she slumps back to the couch, liquid sloshing in the bottle in her hand

She giggles a little bit, “You can’t pull that card on her,” she unceremoniously plops down

“Why not?” he crouches down so he is eye level with her

“Because she knows.” Eliza whispers

“Theo knows what?”

“She knows that we aren’t dating.” she giggles some more

“You told her?”

Eliza nods, “I had to tell  _ someone. _ You see, people think I’m this vault, where they can keep  _ all  _ their secrets and never have to worry about them being told. But what about me? Don’t I get a vault?” she tells him animatedly, some tequila nearly making it onto the floor.

Really, Theo knowing isn't the end of the world, Eliza probably swore her to secrecy and Theo ps honest, he wasn't worried. But he is worried about Eliza, she’s hammered. She has never been like this with him, she is sad, he could tell even through all the tequila.

“Well, how about this: me and Theo, we are your vaults. You can tell us things you don’t want to tell anyone else, okay?”

She nods, “Can I tell you something now?”

“Yes.” he sits down where he is crouching

“I wish this was real. I wish we were actually dating.” Eliza says around a few giggles

He freezes, feels the world tilt on its axis (since when did drunken confessions make his world stop?) Alex has to remind himself this version of Eliza does not belong to him. He does not get her half in love, half drunk mind.

“You’re a little drunk.” he tells her, gently stroking her cheek, where a blush has crept up her neck

“No.” she says frowning, like she realized she messed something up

“It’s okay. I’m going to make you coffee, how does that sound?” he asks as he gets up

“Hey, hey, wait” she calls after him once he gets up, “I’m not drunk, I-I’m  _ chillaxin’.”  _ she states, he just laughs from the kitchen.

A few minutes later he brings her back a mug, but finds her clocked out on the couch.

He chuckles, brushes some hair from her face and takes the bottle from her hand, “Down for the count.” Alex picks her up and lays her in her bed down the hall, makes sure to put an extra blanket on because she gets cold easily and goes back to the living room to work on some homework.

Alex can’t focus though, he knows she is really upset because of Adrienne and he wants to help, he just isn’t sure he can. Not to mention the “secret” she told him earlier had thrown him off too, it was probably just drunk talk she would forget in the morning, but some part of him felt like it rang true. Or maybe it was just his wishful thinking, besides he had Maria, he shouldn’t want more.

(there would always be that part of him that did want more though, and tonight, it was winning against all the others.)

 

* * *

 

Eliza wakes up the next day with the worst headache she's ever had. She only remembers, tequila, throwing her phone and getting put in bed by Alex.

She sits up with a start,  _ Is he still here?  _ she panics. What if she said something stupid, or worse, told him what Adrienne had asked her?

She hears some sounds of rustling in the kitchen, Eliza prays it’s just Theo, she decides to take her chances and pad out into the kitchen.

It’s Alex, she can’t just go back now, she’s already almost there and whatever he is cooking smells  _ really  _ good.

“Hey,” she says groggily

“Hi, how do you feel, Sleeping Beauty?” he chuckles, taking a sip of his coffee

Eliza eases into the chair at the table, head still pounding, “Like a champ.” she tries

He gestures in front of her, “Take the aspirin, you’ll feel better.”

“How was Baltimore?” she asks

He considers it for a second, “Cold, but the conference was good.”

“Good, I’m glad. Well as you can gather, things have been rough, to say the least here.” she says

“I can, wanna talk about it?” he asks

She wants to tell him everything, how she really did miss him last week, how Adrienne was confusing her even more than she had already been with just him, how she never wants him to leave again, how she doesn’t know in what way she meant the last thing.

“Kind of, not really, maybe.” she says noncommittally, “It’s just, why apologize  _ now _ ? After all this time?”

“Maybe she was confused or scared. I mean it doesn’t make her better for leaving you but, it’s something.” he offers

She considers telling him what Adrienne offered, but she doesn’t want to put that on him. She doesn’t want to make him feel guilty if she stays or hurt if she goes.

“Yeah, I guess.” he joins her at the table, placing two plates down in front of each of them.

It looks just as good as it smelled, “When did you learn how to cook?” she asks impressed

“Uh, my mom. She was a chef, I used to always come into to work with her and watch.” he says

She loves these tidbits she gets of his childhood, he doesn’t give them out so willingly and she cherishes them when he does. It makes Eliza feel special, like he trusts her, when he tells her about when he was a kid.

“Well, you sure did pick up a thing or two from her.” she says

They fall into a comfortable silence until Eliza remembers an email she got from her parents.

“Hey so my parents are having a holiday party in the city next Thursday, wanna come?” she asks  “I’m pretty sure Laf is invited so we can begin our master plan of making Adrienne jealous, too.”

“Wow, between that and the open bar, it’s hard to refuse.” he says sarcastically

“Shut up, I know they are terrible, just, please?” she asks

He laughs, “Yeah, yeah I’ll come. As your boyfriend, I am obligated to go.”

“Hey, you could’ve said no when I asked.” she tells him, she isn’t sure is she means just now or a month ago when she first asked him.

“Yeah, but I didn’t.” is all he says, and neither of them have to wonder which instance he’s referring to

 

* * *

 

At 4 AM Thursday morning, when Alex is lying in Maria’s sheets, he is pretty sure he loves Eliza. At 4:10 AM Thursday morning, Alex is also pretty sure he loves Maria. 

Now it’s 4:15 AM and he is trying to figure out how this can be.

He knows he loves Eliza, some part of him always has ever since that first day in that godawful class; now the rest of him is just catching up. She makes him feel calm and loved and in the eye of every storm he is sure it will be her.

Alex glances over at Maria’s sleeping form, and he wants to call that love too, because he can’t explain the tight feeling in his stomach any other way. It’s like that feeling right before the drop on a rollercoaster, right before the release.

For the next hour he traces random patterns on Maria’s back, his mind too chaotic for any semblance of sleep. When he does finally drift back it’s thankfully dreamless.

“Wake up” Maria says to him what feels like minutes later

“Time?” he gets out

“Around 10:30” she says, his eyes have adjusted and he can see that she is still in bed, but she has opened the windows, basking in the rare sunny day

She told him at the conference how much she loved these kinds of days, sunny and brisk. She said it reminded her of fall back home, but for the life of him he can’t remember where she’s from.

“Are you doing anything today?” he asks

“No. You?” she says

He smiles up at her, at her willingness to just be here with him, “No.”

“You know, I have no idea what this is.”  he tells her at 1 PM that afternoon

“Me neither, but I’m not in a rush to label anything, if that’s what you’re looking for.” she says plainly

“Yeah” he kind of drifts off. No matter how much he loves Maria’s simplicity, Alex is desperate for labels, lines, definitions,  _ anything _ that would be some indicator of what anything is. With all these “almosts” and “maybes” and blurred lines, he needs something definite.

He thinks about telling her he loves her, despite whether or not it is the truth. He wants to see what she’ll do with it, if she’ll run with it, or just leave him behind and run the other way.

Nothing comes out of him though, and not for the rest of the afternoon either. In fact, they are so wrapped up in each other, the next time he looks at a clock, he realizes he's late for the party.

He throws on the suit he told her was for some dinner (not a total lie) and bolts out the door.

 

* * *

 

Eliza texted Alex four times almost two hours ago reminding him of the party. She finally got a response when she was in the car with her sisters on the way there. 

_ I’ll be there, late, but there. _

She wants to scream, she hates feeling like baggage to him. Hates this feeling that she was so not on his radar that the party just slipped his mind. She hates most of all that she loves, but it feels like he doesn’t love her back.

Eliza is tired of begging people to love her, begging them to stay begging them to leave, begging at all. She thinks, right now, if Adrienne was in front of her, holding the door open, beckoning her to leave, she would go.

But before she can think too long about that the driver opens the door.

“Hey, where’s Alex?” Laf asks once they have all settled in

“Um, on his way. He’ll be here soon, I hope.” she kind of mumbles that last part. Angelica is the only one that hears, and shoots her a questioning look. She smiles and brushes it off

Adrienne speaks up, “You look great, Eliza.” a long pause, only uncomfortable to Eliza apparently “You all do.”

She thinks this is where Angelica gets it, mainly because before Eliza can unstick the words from her throat, Angelica is pulling her and Peggy away to the side of the room.

“What is going on.” she demands

Eliza tries to sound innocent, “Nothing, why would you even say that?”

She gives her a deadpan look and Peggy says, “I’m with Ang here. You’re boyfriend is late and your ex girlfriend is now dating our current friend. And she obviously isn’t over you.”

“Well I am, so nothing is wrong. Okay?” Eliza says

“Eliza, we want to help. You would tell us if something is wrong, right? If you were in trouble, if something happened?” Angelica asks

She wants to tell them everything right then and there. She doesn’t like keeping anything from her sisters, but she probably should’ve thought about that when she decided to start this whole thing.

“Yes, guys, of course. But it’s nothing like that, it’s fine I swear.” she assures them “C’mon, we seem like we’re scheming let’s get back.”

Eliza waits another half hour for his text before she starts to really get worried. 

She leans over to Peggy at their table, “I’m going to call him, I’ll be back.”

Peggy nods, and Eliza misses the worried looks she tosses Angelica across the table.

She heads out into the lobby where it is quieter, he picks up on the second ring.

“Hi, I am  _ so _ sorry. I lost track of time.”

“Doing what? Actually, nevermind, just get here,  _ please. _ ”

“Hey, don’t worry. I will.” he reassures

“Hurry.” is the last thing she says before she hangs up

She stays out in the lobby for another five minutes, leans her forehead against the cool marble wall and shuts her eyes tight. Some of the time lately she regrets ever asking him to do any of this. In all honestly, 20/20 hindsight, and all that, she didn’t  _ have  _ to ask Alex to be her fake boyfriend. Surely there were ten million other solutions to her problem. But she wanted to talk to him, get to know him, see him. She hates herself for ever wanting that now.  If she didn’t ask, maybe it wouldn’t feel like she is dead weight tied to him, maybe Adrienne wouldn’t have come back, maybe even if she did come back, Eliza would’ve just left with her and forgot everything.

She lets herself wish this for a few more minutes and then straightens herself, and walks back in. There isn’t any undoing of any of this, and no use in wishing that there was.

But before she can make back into the main room the front doors come crashing open.

“I’m here, I’m here. I am so incredibly sorry, but I am here.” he says, out of breath as he sees her

She wants to laugh, he looks like he ran here and that is a funny image, really. Alex the whirlwind running through the streets of New York trying to make it here on time.

But before she can tell him that, she catches sight of a smattering of striking red on his collar. She swallows any laughter she had and just wipes the stain away with a little cloth.

He heaves out a defeated sigh, “Eliza, I-”

There are a million things Eliza can say here, she can scream at him, she could cry, she could tell him to fuck off, she could do none of those and just leave him in the lobby, dumbfounded and alone.

Instead, she says:

“Please- just don't say anything.” she looks up at him and hopes he doesn’t see her tears that are burning the back of her eyes

She knows he does though, she can never hide anything from him. (well apparently she can hide one thing)

“Come on,” she says wiping her own eyes, “we have a girl to make jealous.”

Really Adrienne had been the last thing on her mind once she reenters with Alex in tow. She notices how he is making an effort to make her jealous, and she is trying her best to play along. He always keeps some part of him in contact with her throughout dinner: a hand in hers deliberately on top of the table, arm slung around her shoulders or on the back of her chair as he talks idly with another person at the table. Adrienne is noticing too, she realizes, Eliza only relishes a little in how she burns though.

Eliza was too wrapped up in where he had been, what made him so late, more specifically  _ who _ . She runs through a list of girls she knows, then just resolves that she doesn’t know her. It’s better this way, she thinks, a faceless girl, the betrayer, the other woman.

But these are all things a girlfriend would be thinking, and Eliza is painfully aware of how  _ that _ is not on her list of titles.

Alex leans in to whisper something in her ear, “It’s definitely working, she looks like she could kill me with that fork.”

In the spirit of pretending and jealousy (her own and Adrienne’s), Eliza places a hand on his cheek, tries not to imagine who’s was there before her own, and kisses him sweetly.

“Like I doubted you for a second.” she tells him

There is still this hot coil in the pit of her stomach though, the unbridled jealous rage; jealousy, she isn’t sure she even has right to, but it is there. She can’t focus on small talk when he is this close either, all her anger pinpointed to the hand on her thigh or the arm on her chair.

Eliza can’t take it any more, not when he is inches away and her greatest temptation is across the table.

She stands up, not abrupt enough that everyone turns to her (only her sisters, Alex, and Adrienne notice) and she leaves the main ballroom. She doesn’t stop when Alex clutches her wrist and knits his brow, not when Peggy gently calls her name, and especially not when Adrienne watches her leave.

Eliza makes a beeline for the cool wall again, her only clear thoughts of the night coming from that spot. She feels like a domino, one wrong move and she sets the whole line toppling down.

If she confronts Alex he would know how she feels, maybe leave her, then everyone knows they have been lying

If she doesn’t then she sits on her rage and anger until it gets the better of her and she leaves him and leaves a path of destruction in her wake on the way to France with Adrienne.

After going over about five hundred more horrible scenarios, she can tell someone is behind her.

She is almost positive its Angelica and Peggy, “I really don’t want a lecture right now, guys. I just need a minute.”

“Good thing I left my soap box at home, then.” Alex says

She sighs and turns to him, “Sorry, I didn’t know it was you.”

“What’s wrong?” he asks

She gives him a look, “You know you don’t have to ask that question.”

He sighs and looks at his feet, “Yeah, I- what do you want me to say, Liza?”

“I don’t know, who you are sleeping with, why, I don’t know.” she says, grasping for anything

“Maria Lewis. We met officially at the conference but we knew of each other before.” he tells her

She doesn’t really need him to explain why he did it, she knows it’s because he wanted more, what she couldn’t give him and all that, and yet

“Why?” 

He lets out a breath, “We were drunk, I didn’t say no. What do you want me to say?” he was starting to get annoyed, or something else, she couldn’t place it though

She rolls her eyes, no interest in holding back anymore, “Why did you even agree-”

“I told you-”

“No, Alex. I meant- if you had let me finish- why did you agree to do  _ this _ ” she gestures violently between them “in the first place?”

She wants to yell, they are too close to the party and by now everyone is probably suspicious because they have been gone so long, so she storms out the door into the frigid night air. He follows less than a stride behind her. She turns toward the street once she gets outside and tries to find the will to not want to know what he will say.

Before he even gets out the door he is shouting, “You wanna know why I did it, you wanna know why I agreed to this? I did it for  _ you _ , Eliza! I did the whole damn thing for you!” his voice falls at the end, when he continues he isn’t yelling, “I did it for you. The only thing I have ever wanted, is to make you happy, and I thought doing this, it would make you happy.” he walks to face her, but she keeps facing the street, “But you have to believe that I fell in love with you along the way. You have to believe that I never meant to hurt you. Which seems-” Eliza rolls her eyes and starts to turn around, he catches her though, holds her in place, across from him, “ _ which seems,  _ like a lie, especially after what I did. But,  _ God _ , Eliza, this is me laying it all out on the table. I love you, and I never wanted to hurt you, and I am sorry.”

Eliza wants to believe him and move on with him, she wants it to be this easy. But it isn’t, it  _ never _ is. And something is still tugging at her, it’s the thing (among others) she still hasn’t told him.

She sniffles a little bit, tears almost leaving her eyes, “She asked me to run away with her. Adrienne asked me to leave and never look back, she said it could be like before when we were happy. I actually haven’t given her an answer yet. But I- I just keep thinking about Laf, and how in love with her he is, and- and, how can she do that?” she shakes her head and looks at him, like she really wants answer, “How- How can she just  _ leave  _ knowing that someone loves her and would miss her, and for- for what? For  _ me?  _ The same girl that she left two years ago?”

Eliza stops, realization slowly creeping on her face, “I think Adrienne is afraid, I think she is afraid of loving someone and having them love her back and I don’t want to be. I don’t want to run. I want to love you, Alexander, I really  _ really _ do. But I can’t love you if you are in love with Maria. And listen, I get it if you are, I mean, she’s hot, she gave you what I couldn’t at the time, and-”

“Just stop.” Alex grabs her face, and desperately kisses her half to shut her up half to give her an answer

She tenses at first then completely dissolves, wraps her arms around his neck and kisses him back.

Eliza’s world stops, but not like it did when Adrienne left, more like it just froze because it realized how perfect this moment is and wanted to keep it preserved as long as it could. When they finally break apart, she is still kind of crying and he is hysterically laughing.

“Listen, I told you I love  _ you  _ okay? I love you, not Maria or anyone else. I love you, Elizabeth Schuyler.” he brushes back some hair from her face and holds the back of her head, they both are still in hysterics, a little in denial of the whole thing, a little drunk on the kiss

“Okay, okay, well I love you too then. I love you, not Adrienne, or anyone else. I love you, Alexander Hamilton.” her tears make her laugh a little watery

He smiles and rests their foreheads together, and tries to hold her impossibly closer.

“I’m glad it worked out this way.” she whispers after a minute

“Me too.” he responds

“Do you think we should go back?” she asks

He turns and looks back at the entrance, “I don’t know, it’s been what, ten minutes and nothing has burned down, no screaming. I think they’ll be fine without us.” he says sheepishly

She cocks her head at him and raises her eyebrow, “We should go back.”

He dramatically sighs, “Fine, we’ll go back.”

Alex lets go of her and she starts to walk forward, he grabs her wrist, not actually having let it go yet, and says, “Hey,” pulls her back in, “You are the best woman I know.”

She rolls her eyes fondly and kisses him, “You are insane.”

“You love me.”

“I do, don’t I?”

The party is fine the rest of the night, they brush off any suspicious looks or questions with fond touches and hand holding. And it becomes less of a petty jealousy match and more of an unintentional one. Alex and Eliza were too wrapped up in each other to pay attention to anything outside a one foot radius of each other’s faces.

It’s not until they are all about to leave does Eliza feel like she should say something. Quickly she whispers in Alex’s ear she’ll be right back and then marches over to where Adrienne stands, grabs her arm and pulls her to a corner of the room. 

“You could’ve just asked to talk, Eliza. No need to get handsy.” she says, annoyed

“We need to talk about what you asked me the other day.” she tells Adrienne

“Did you make a decision?”

“Yes, but you are not going to like it.”

“Eliza-”

“Before you say anything, just hear me out.” Adrienne concedes, she continues, “It took me time to repair what you broke, I told you that, but I wasn’t alone, not one bit. Look, over there” she points to where the rest of their group is all laughing together, “ _ They _ helped me get through it. Their love and support got me to where I am today. And I am  _ happy,  _ happier than I have ever been, Adrienne. And I think if you still truly love me, then you’d understand why I can’t leave.”

Adrienne is silent for a minute, then Eliza says, “Do you love him?”

She looks at her with a knit brow and an unsure face, “I want to,” she is almost in tears

Eliza grabs the sides of her face, “Then  _ let yourself, _ Adrienne. Let yourself love him. I promise he will love you back, Laf never shuts up about you.” Adrienne lets out a watery laugh, “I say you stay, stay here with us for a while. You’ll be in good hands.”

“Thank you, Eliza. You know, I really do love him. With all my heart.” she is beaming in the way only people in love do, Eliza recognizes this because she saw it whenever she looked in the mirror.

“That’s good, Adrienne, that’s so good.” she tells her

“So this is it?” she asks

“This is it. I hereby, let you go.” Eliza says

“So do I.” she says, and it doesn’t hurt like Eliza was sure it would. It feels freeing, like closing a door to open the window and let the light in.

 

* * *

 

He and Eliza take a cab home to her place. Once they pile in, her head lands in his lap and his hands tangle in her hair, just like that first night. He takes this golden opportunity to just look at her.

The passing lights are glinting off her jewelry, the moonlight makes her cheek look impossibly softer and her foot is tapping mindlessly to nothing. He loves how casually beautiful she is, how she can just show up anywhere and all of a sudden become the most gorgeous person in a ten-mile radius. He loves how her kindness increases the attractiveness of her beauty tenfold, her heart shines through her and lights his whole body up.

Alex leans forward to the driver, “Can you go here instead?” and he reads off an address

“What’s there?” she asks

“Maria.” he tells her

“It’s a little late.” she says glancing at the time

“She’s a bit of a night owl, I’ll catch her.” he says

Once they pull up, he gets out, leans down into the open window, “10 minutes, 15 tops.”

“Take your time, I’m not in a rush.” she says smiling

He raises his hand to knock on the door, but it freezes in the air. Alex thinks about what he’s about to do, thinking about all he’s going to be leaving Maria with. There is no outcome he can think of that doesn’t end with a broken heart. He’ll be leaving her with a lot.

He knocks anyway.

She answers almost right away, “Hey, how was the dinner?” her hair is piled on her head and he can see her cat, Goose, walking behind her.

“Good, it was good.” she lets him in, “Look, Maria can we talk for second?” he doesn’t really have an idea of where he wants to take this conversation, he hopes winging it would do. 

“Yeah, is this about what you asked earlier, about labels?” shesays tenativley

“Kind of, yeah. This is going to sound crazy anyway you put it so I am just going to say it.” she gives him a skeptical look, “There is this girl, and I have been fake-dating her for a while now-”

“ _ Fake _ -dating?” she asks

“Yeah, it’s, um, well she needed someone to go to a family thing with and then her sister’s wedding, and it kind of, spiraled I guess.” she seems as satisfied as she can be, so he continues, “Anyway, so we kind of agreed that we’d try to be friends and not let any potential feelings get in the way of it.  And then I met  _ you  _ and it felt so good with you, so easy. But I needed some kind of rules or labels or anything to make sense of all the maybes and half ways, but you said you didn’t want to label it so I was okay with that.  _ And then,  _ the girl’s ex girlfriend shows up and things get-”

“Alex-” she stops him

“Yeah?”

“Is this going somewhere?”

“Ye- yes, it’s just we realized how we felt for each other and we don’t want to waste any more time not being together and-”

“You want labels, and she’s got them.” Maria looks sad, but like she expected it. (maybe he didn’t give her enough credit for being able to read him)

“It’s that, but it is so much more. I  _ love  _ her, completely unlike I have loved anyone else in my  _ life.  _ I don’t think we get that a lot in our existence. I am pretty sure you don’t feel that way about me, am I right?” he is holding back, testing the waters

She considers it for a second, looking at the ground where Goose weaves between her feet, then back up to him, “You’re right, but I don’t feel  _ nothing _ for you. I still care about you, and want you to be happy.”

He walks toward her, “This sounds so terrible, but Maria, if you care about me being happy, you’ll know why I have to be with this girl.”

Maria still isn’t looking at him, not directly “I do, I get it. we all deserve to have that kind of love in our lives.”

He smiles, wraps his arms tightly around her and then whispers, “You get that too, Maria. You get to be happy.” He pulls away so he can see her eyes, “And I am sorry I can’t be the one to make you happy, but I hope that you find that person one day, I really do.”

She smiles at him, it’s not watery, or shaky, just firm and true. Alex realizes now that they will be better friends than they ever would have been lovers.

“Thank you, Alex. I hope so too.” she laughs, a little self-deprecatingly

He glances at the time, “I should get going.”

She steps back from him, “Totally, go. Just- don’t be a stranger.” the last part added as a hopeful after thought

He smiles at her, “Wouldn’t dream of it.” then he leaves, and hops back in the cab

“How is she?” Eliza asks him

“Fine, completely, we both kind of knew, I guess.” he says

She hums in agreement and stares out the window, at the fast moving scenery. He doesn’t know why she doesn’t just go back to laying in his lap again, maybe she thought he needed space. That was actually the opposite of what he needed, he needed her  _ so _ much closer.

“Hey,” he says, setting his hand on the back of her neck and brushing her cheek with his thumb, jerking his head over to himself when she looks over, “come here.” She does, and then she smiles up at him warmly. It fills him up and swells in his chest, as it always did with her, he thought he could get used to that feeling for the rest of his life.

 

* * *

 

Later, not later that night but eight months later, they are lying in bed one sunny August afternoon. They had gotten an apartment together that summer after Junior year and currently their respective books for the new school term were laying messily around them on the floor.

Eliza said they didn’t have to tell anyone exactly  _ how  _ they began their relationship, seeing as though what they had already been spreading around (as a lie) was a good enough truth. Besides a lot of people already knew, Theo, Aaron, Maria (who had become a great friend to them both), Eliza had caved and told her sisters a week after that holiday party. Alex offered that they bring up the actual beginning when a long enough time had passed, and it would be more of a quirky footnote than the whole, embarrassing truth.

She had woken up about thirty minutes ago but isn’t really all too worried about it; she is perfectly content just watching Alex’s sleeping form, relishing in this peaceful version of him, of them both really, before this semester ruined their lives.

He stirred a bit and mumbled something like “Good morning,” so she took it as a sign he was up.

“I didn’t know it could be like this.” her daydreaming thoughts now reaching her lips

“Like what?” Alex’s face was pressed into the bed, slurring half his words

“I didn’t know love could leave the lights on this long, you know?” she wondered to him

“Not really, keep talking.” he pulls her closer

“I don’t know, just, I always kind of thought of it as finite, like it could end, like it  _ should _ end, at some point. I never thought it would have the potential to be never ending, like an infinity pool, or a Mobius Strip.” she says

“Baby, it’s way too early for math.” he whines

“I just didn’t know someone could love me and love me and _love_ me without needing any space”  she finishes, ignoring him.

“There isn’t any air in space, honey.” is what his morning brain responds with and he then tries impossibly to pull her closer.

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao the working tittle for this part was "in which shit doth hitetth the fan-eth" 
> 
> anyway this story has been so incredibly fun to write and I am so glad jordan forced (lovingly enccouraged) me to write this) 
> 
> now on to more things!!! like:  
> enough (!!!!) 
> 
> yep i am finaly reurning to that one afte 47 eons, gasp
> 
> as always, catch me on peepasoo and dailyhamliza on tumblr
> 
> kudos/bookmark/comment and thank you for all the support xx

**Author's Note:**

> a fun note:  
> that story of peggy beating up those kids is an actual thing my aunt did at that age,, amazing
> 
>  hit me up on peeepasoo on tumblr if u wanna chat or whtvr
> 
> kudos/bookmark/commment please, ily all!!
> 
> work title: laundry room door by avett brothers  
> ch title: you are in love by taylor swift


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